Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
