The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
