btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
