Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
