I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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