FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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