she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
