One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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