I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
