did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
