I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize