She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
