he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
