Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
