This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
