You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
