I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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