Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
