I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
