Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
