So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
