yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
