I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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