so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize