i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
