he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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