Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
