my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
