that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
