Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
