Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
