He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
