They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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