Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize