I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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