Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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