It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
