jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize