Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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