how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize