There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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