dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize