Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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