so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
