I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize