I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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