If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
