is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize