I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
