some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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