i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize