The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
3pm strippers are depressing
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
