3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
