Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize