I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
