Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
