just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
