i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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