she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
