I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
