bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
