Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
