Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She even gives head with a lisp.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
