I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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