I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
