There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
