What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
don't judge my taste in strippers
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
