i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
