i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
