i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
