Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
