what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
