Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
