jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
